A Quote From Seneca that Changed My Perspective on Grief as a Grieving Man

Cody Baker

Years into my journey of grief there is a quote that grounds me in what is important and how I continue to grieve. I believe that the stoics would say that study/learning is never done. The grieving journey seems to be the same. If engagement with grief stops or is left to the last minutes of the day or when fatigue is at it's highest. Is there still brain power and emotional capacity to process?

"Aren't you ashamed to reserve for yourself only the remnants of your life and to dedicate to wisdom only that time can't be directed to business?" ~ Seneca

This can feel like an impossible task. Especially when most men are thrust back or willingly go back to work shortly after a loss. Work can be a welcomed distraction. Quickly I realized that most of my coherent hours went to work. There was nothing, maybe very little left for myself to process all that was going on. It took a long time for me to realize that by not using the hours that I am most alert my grief was bottling up and getting pushed to the side.

In the grieving process and most of life it is important to take account of how the coherent hours of our day are being spent. I believe that people deserve more than they allow time for. Allow more time to be put towards grieving. You deserve it.

When I was able to stop looking at my daughters death as an isolated event to get over. It started looking like a journey to go on. In that journey time, intentional time became important. This time needed more than my reserves, it needed the best that I could be in the moment. Ryan Holiday rephrases the Seneca quote beautifully. Think of it in terms of grieving.

"Philosophy shouldn't have to accept what time or energy is left over from other occupations but instead we should graciously make time for those other pursuits only once our study is finished."~Ryan Holiday